just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
