It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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