you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
