What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
