just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
