Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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