When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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