What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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