An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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