brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
