We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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