please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize