She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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