Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
