Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
