I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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