I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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