you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
