everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
