2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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