you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
