I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
