Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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