I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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