Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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