the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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