my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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