i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
