I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
