Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
