Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
