I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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