Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
