Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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