so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
