Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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