Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
