her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
