i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
