Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
