everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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