why didn't you poke me back
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
