My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
