no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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