Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
