just come out here and I will go home with you...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
