you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
