i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize