Christians are straight up FREAKS
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
