you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
