FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
