so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
