You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
