He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
