I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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