What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
