He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Green mimosas i think yes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
