Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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