Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
