i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
