Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
