She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
