Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
