six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
