I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
