i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
