i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
