I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
