Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
