Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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